arghhhhhhh

i have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

everyone seems to expect me to do everything, and to do everything perfectly, and everyone seems to expect me to get perfect grades and its too much pressure and i don't know what to do anymore! i feel like i'm gonna have let everyone down if i do badly in my exams and i don't want to do that, and i feel like everyone just expects me to be something i'm not. i've already let my dad down by not being who he wishes i was, and i know he wishes i was something else. i wish i was someone else because i don't seem to be able to do anything right, and i feel so alone and in pain and like no one can help me. i feel like theres someone or something just sitting inside me just telling me that i can't do anything, that i'm shit, that i'm gonna fail, that however hard i try it won't pay off. so i try so so so so so so hard and i work nonstop, literally whenever i'm at home i'm just working working working working, and now my mum is on at me to get a job but i don't have time for a job, and nowhere would hire me anyway and i'm in pain and theres no way i can get all this shit done and i keep letting everyone down. i'm never there for people when they need me and i don't seem to be able to help people anymore and i can't help myself and i have TOO MUCH TO DO.

nothing is working and everything is breaking and i'm gonna fail all my exams and i'm doing so shit in everything right now, and i don't know what i want to do with my life because i can't do anything right so i'll just fuck up everything and oh GODDDDDDD.