dear world and beyond

note to self

i'm turning over a new leaf. a new leaf over i'm turning. i shall pick a new leaf off of a tree (how about a really pretty red one like you get in autumn?) and gently turn it over (hold on...if it's a new leaf why do i have to turn it over?!). anyway, you get the gist. so there is the new leaf, all overturned and waiting for what will be the new me to step aboard and sail off into the sunset.

so what is the new me astride the leaf a-going to be? well...
firstly i'm going to do the little things that make a difference. get a haircut and stuff like that. but i'm going to start being true to myself. listening to the music that i enjoy listening to and only having that on my iPod, rather than having what i like to listen to mixed in with what other people like to listen to so that when others listen to my music with me they have something, or so they don't insult my music taste. I'm going to stop saying "oh I don't know why that is on there I don't even like it.." when I do like it. it's MY iPod afterall..
I'm going to be true to myself in that I'm not going to pretend to know what people are talking about or to pretend I like something when I don't or pretend to dislike something when I do. I'm gonna go with what feels right in my mind rather than what others tell me feels right.
in short, i'm not going to be someone i'm not just to be liked by others. that doesn't work, anyway.

i'm going to create the sort of person i'd like to be. right now i'm thinking girl-who-looks-like-she-should-be-at-a-rock-concert-sitting-cross-legged-on-a-park-bench-reading-nabokov. sound good? just little things like that.

i'm going to appreciate myself and what i've got, i'm going to take risks and let go of my inhibitions, i'm going to get plenty of sleep and exercise and care for myself by eating healthily, filing my nails, putting on lip balm and not rubbing my eyes (BAGS!!). I'm going to think optimistically and try to complete school work on time. I'm going to stop bitching and being nasty about people. Just because people have upset me there is no need to talk about them behind their backs, even if they do it to me. it isn't fair.
i'm going to be bold and realise there is no time like the present. i'm going to speak up, release my expectations of other people, be as ridiculous as i like and live life for myself and no one else.

finally? i'm going to give real hugs.

and that, my friend, is who the name k a t i is gonna be.

p.s: i like the name lola.